10.29.2001


Pseudonym Week

My sister found this great book for me, A Dictionary of Pseudonyms and Their Origins, with Stories of Name Changes, by Adrian Room. All week, stories of name changes (copied directly from the book)!

Episode 1 - Mothers, don't let your daughters sons grow up to be "Leslies"

Bob Hope: Leslie Townes Hope (1904- ), Eng.-born U.S. Film comedian. The well-known actor originally adopted the name "Lester T. Hope," reasoning: "I thought that was a little more manish...I found a lot of girls would call me Leslie and I'd call them Leslie, and there was a sort of conflict of interests there so I changed it to 'Lester.'" He then thought that this name "still looked a little ginger around the edges," so changed "Lester" to "Bob." "I thought that was more chummy and audiences would get to like me."

Gerald Randolph Ford, Jr.: Leslie Lynch King, Jr. (1913- ), U.S. president. When the future thirty-eighth President of the United States was still a baby, his parents divorced and his mother moved to Grand Rapids where she married Gerald R. Ford, Sr. who adopted the boy and gave him his name.

And, finally, such is the power of the name "Leslie" that it can cause a name change from the middle of a name:

Adam Ant: Stuart Leslie Goddard (1954- ), Br. Rock singer. Stuart Goddard was at the Hornsey College of Art, London, when he asked a friend to design a tattoo for his upper left arm. This was a heart pierced with a dagger, the word ADAM on top, PURE and SEX on either side, the whole thing set just above his vaccination mark. From then on, he called himself "Adam." "When I had the tattoo done," he said, "I really went for it. Adam is a very strong name; it's the first name - you know - the Garden of Eden. I associate it with strength." The strength was further incorporated by adding "ant" to make "adamant," and "Ant" thus became his surname. ("Mr. Ant for you," said the girl on the telephone.) He soon adopted the surname for the group of four he sang with, so that he was "Adam and the Ants."
..:.:11:28 PM:.:..

10.26.2001


So, Snoop Dogg is in a movie that just came out, Bones. I haven't seen the movie and I don't know that I will, but it reminded me of an email conversation I had a couple of years ago with a friend of mine (reprinted here without permission). Ben is pretty much the funniest person I've ever met.

Me: [responding to a comment made equating "juice" with "alcohol"] If "juice" is a euphemism for alcohol, then wasn't Snoop drinking gin and gin*. The whole thing is very confusing.

Ben: It wouldn't surprise me one bit if Snoop D-O-double-G was indeed the innovator of the concept of mixing gin and gin. Living in LA you begin to get a much better idea of the real Snoop because he calls in to the hip-hop radio station about once a week. The fascinating thing about Snoop Dogg is that he seems to be so surrounded by yes men that he has no idea what's cool anymore. It's like when you hang with your friend's dad and he's trying to be cool and everyone's acting like he's funny but they're really wishing he'd shut up. Snoop calls into the radio station and says things like "Large and in charge"; everyone laughs and bows down like he made it up. The brilliant thing, however, is that Snoop does make the calls. He knows that for fifteen minutes on the phone he's gonna get like 40 hours of additional airtime. You can see that I've really been studying Snoop like that woman Sigourney Weaver played in the gorilla movie.

Me: Snoop's crazy like that. I wouldn't be surprised one bit if endo turned out not to be pot like I thought, but gin as well. [NOTE: Heh. So Jessamyn tells me it's "indo" not "endo". She also says, "I thought you went to school in vermont?!" Oops. Oh well.]

Ben: I always thought Endo was a bicycle trick.

Me: How do you smoke a bicycle trick?

Ben: Roll it up in papers or stuff it in a pipe.

_____________________
*I can't believe I'm explaining this, but Snoop has a song with the line, "Rolling down the street, smoking indo, sipping on gin and juice." I am so lame.
..:.:3:54 PM:.:..

10.24.2001


Scene: Convenience Store across the street from my apartment.
Characters: Exuberant man with wife and two kids, Clerk, Me.

[I'm standing in line, waiting to pay for my potato chips]
Exuberant man with wife and two kids: Hey, you, would you take something for free?
Me: Depends on what it is.
Man: Would you take a free trip to Hawaii if there were no strings attached?
Me: There are always strings attached.
Man: Good point. I like you, you're smart. [turning to clerk] How about you, would you take something for free?
Clerk: [rings up exuberant man's purchases].
Man: [turning to me] He never answers.
[Exuberant man pays and leaves]
Clerk: [to me] He always asks me that. I think he wants me to give him his food for free.
Me: Heh. What do I owe you?
Clerk: No charge.
Me: Really?
Clerk: No. $2.49.
..:.:11:52 PM:.:..

10.22.2001


Two conversations I had on Friday:

Me: I have to go to the Post Office. Can I borrow a couple of bucks? I left my wallet at home.
Boss: Sure, but why don't you just use your credit card?
Me: [LONG PAUSE]
Boss: Oh, right.

Me: Can you give me a running total of how much I've spent. I left my wallet at home, so I only have a fixed amount of money.
Postal Clerk: Sure, but you know you can use a credit card, right?
Me: [LONGER PAUSE]
Postal Clerk: Oh, right.
..:.:1:50 PM:.:..

10.17.2001


Have you noticed that Gary Condit's name has dropped off the front page? Heck, he's not even mentioned in the paper anymore.

Now you might suspect that this is because the terrorist attacks have been the focus of the news, but I think this might not be the whole story.

On September 1st, a moving van pulled up in front of my apartment and the new tenants moved their stuff into the vacant first floor apartment. A couple of days later, I look at the label on the mailbox: G. Condit.

Coincidence? Yes. Interesting? No. Funny? Ha.
..:.:11:56 PM:.:..

10.15.2001


For some reason, I can't hear waiters when they are telling me the specials. No, that's wrong. I can hear them fine, I just can't bring myself to understand what they are saying. Here's what I hear at the beginning of a meal:

Waiter: Would you like to hear our specials?
Me: Do you have them written down?
Waiter: No.
Me: (reluctantly) Sure.
Waiter: For our soup, we have a creamed wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah wah served with a delicate apple remoulade. Can I take your drink order?

You know how they make those white noise machines pumping out the sounds of ocean waves or gulls or heartbeats to help you sleep? I want one of those with a waiter reading me the specials for the evening.
..:.:6:21 PM:.:..

10.11.2001


I can tell that I've been busy and stressed with work because stupid things are starting to bother me. Here's an example.

You know how there's a convention to use the letter "X" as a substitute for "cross" or "crossing"? So "lax" becomes "lacrosse", et cetera: Well, I hate this convention. Where did this start? When I see an "X", I think "ex". So when I see a sign for a railroad xing, I think "railroad exing". What the hell is an "exing", anyway?

I've never taken a debate class and I was never on a debate team (and this must be painfully obvious to everyone), but one thing I'd do if I was debating someone who was in favor of this "x" = "cross" meaning is I'd go to the dictionary definition of "cross". I'd have it written on one of those anal-retentive little index cards that are the sum of the debater's knowledge on a subject. (Hmm, I've descended into an anti-debater rant. I'll try to stay focused.)

cross (krôs, krs) n.

1. 
   a. An upright post with a transverse piece near the top, on which condemned persons were executed in ancient times.
   b. often Cross The upright post with a transverse piece upon which Jesus was crucified.
   c. A crucifix.
   d. Any of various modifications of the cross design, such as a Latin cross or Maltese cross.
   e. A medal, emblem, or insignia in the form of a cross.
   
2. The Christian religion; Christianity.
3. In Christianity, a sign made by tracing the outline of a cross with the right hand upon the forehead and chest as a devotional act.
4. A trial, affliction, or frustration. See Synonyms at burden1.
5. A mark or pattern formed by the intersection of two lines, especially such a mark (X) used as a signature.

As you can see, this "X" = "cross" entry is the fifth usage. A modest proposal: redesign the signs and logos so that, instead of the unclear fifth usage, the immediately-recognizable-as-a-cross first entry is used as the cross. To wit: Bring on the hate mail!
..:.:11:47 PM:.:..

10.4.2001


Ways in which I am flawed, second in a series:

I tend to think that all german words mean the same thing. So I translate zaftig, schadenfreude, weltschmerz, lebensraum, sprachgefuhl, et cetera all the same. In my head, they all mean, roughly, "cruelly efficient."

This made that year of college German really difficult. I always thought people were talking about train schedules.
..:.:11:28 PM:.:..

10.1.2001


Bookmark Contest Winners:

The first place bookmark was designed by Laura van Weyenbergh. The two second prize bookmarks were designed by Judith Zissman and Andrew McCargow. View from left to right: Thanks to everyone who participated! If you would like a copy of the winning bookmarks (they will be printed in the next couple of weeks), email me your address and I'll mail you one of each!
..:.:4:28 PM:.:..

mark@markand.com
aim: mdanderson45