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1.31.2002


"Using a special chemical trigger, scientists said on Thursday they had tricked a monkey's egg cell into forming an early embryo without benefit of sperm, and said the process might offer an acceptable alternative to cloning as a source of new medical treatments."

When asked for comment, Jesus replied that he was "extremely excited to have a half-brother," however sources close to the God family report that, outward appearances notwithstanding, Jesus is jealous of the attention his new sibling is receiving.
..:.:11:09 PM:.:..


1.30.2002


Ways in which I am flawed, part 3 in an infinite series:

Once I've brushed my teeth at night, if I don't lie down within ten minutes, I have to brush them again before going to sleep. If, however, I lie in bed reading for, oh, say four hours, I feel no need to brush them again. I have some sort of horizontal teeth-cleaning sensor shut-off.
..:.:4:11 PM:.:..


1.27.2002


I took a little road trip this weekend and I think I'm ready to declare this new Homeland Security effort a success. As evidenced by the American flags, the Taliban has failed to gain a foothold in any of our precious highway overpasses.
..:.:11:29 PM:.:..

1.24.2002


Why we need campaign finance reform:

I am a registered voter. I should have the same voice in government as anyone else, but my repeated pleas to my congressmen have gone unheeded. The sad truth is that these civil servants are all in the pocket of a huge computer hardware conglomerate. I call and I call. I write and I beg. I have petitioned for an audience, all to no avail. Our antitrust laws were theoretically designed to protect American citizens against the price fixing and inferior standards inherent in monopolies. But, despite the mountains of evidence piling up, the Justice Department refuses to take action on behalf of the American people. When, oh when, will we finally be free of Avery's iron grip on the consumer printer label market?
..:.:10:02 AM:.:..


1.20.2002


I was thumbing through a book of Latin idioms tonight. Most of my favorites are in the "Natural Phenomena" section:

orbis lacteus-the milky way
vocis imago-an echo
saxa voci respondent-the rocks re-echo
ventus se vertit in Africum-the wind is turning to the south-west
frigore rigere-to be numb with cold
frigore confici-to freeze to death
aestus et frigoris patientem esse-to be able to bear heat and cold
caelum tonitru contremit-the heavens are shaken by the thunder
fulmina micant-the lightning flashes
fulmen locum tetigit-the lightning has struck somewhere
fulmine tangi-to be struck by lightning
eruptiones ignium Aetnaeorum-an eruption of Etna
Vesuvius evomit ignes-Vesuvius is discharging flame
..:.:4:12 PM:.:..


1.15.2002


Garfield immolation.
..:.:10:28 AM:.:..

1.11.2002


The bad part about vacations: I spend the week before and the week after killing myself trying to get everything done/catch up.

The good part about vacations: Airlines have stopped serving food.
..:.:2:12 PM:.:..


1.6.2002


From the stands in the Raiders-Jets game:

Three hours earlier:

Woman: When I told you I wanted to do more stuff together, I didn't mean going to the Raiders game.
Man: Come on, it'll be fun.
Woman: It won't be fun -- all your friends will just get drunk and scream the whole game. Do you even remember that time Tiny puked on me?
Man: You just have to get into it. You need to relax.
Woman: I'm not going to wear the face paint.
Man: Everyone else will be wearing face paint, you don't want to be the only one not wearing it, do you?
Woman: [under breath] We're never having sex again.
Man: What's that? I couldn't hear you.
Woman: I didn't say anything.
..:.:5:59 PM:.:..



mark@markand.com
aim: mdanderson45